One of the more disturbing phenomena on the rise in North America is that of polymorphic lapine abduction cases. Henry Hulland is a professor of cryptozoology and exobotany at the Lutwidge Institute.

"The first documented polymorphic lapine abduction case was in England in the 1860s. It finally made the jump across the Atlantic around a hundred years later. And it's interesting to note that the details reported back by the victims have been virtually the same in every instance. A young girl is lured down a hole by a rabbit, white pretty much across the board, though size and degree of anthropomorphism involved is variable."

What happens to the girls once they're down in the rabbit's lair?

"Well, the rabbit, which is not a rabbit at all, you see–hence the word polymorphic, of course, but we'll use the term 'rabbit' to simplify things…"

Of course.

"The rabbit stings the girl, injecting her with psychotropics, giving the genuine feel that the girl is falling into another world."

But she isn't.

"Heavens, no. That's just the onset of the hallucinations."

And the nature of these hallucinations?

"It varies, but the important thing to realize is that the rabbit is controlling everything. And because it is able to change its appearance, it can fit itself into any situation the poor girl's mind comes up with. The rabbit can even split itself into pieces, all of which are able to act as an ensemble of characters."

So in reality, the girl is…

"Blundering around in a hole in the ground talking to a rabbit that's manipulating her and her head trip by taking whatever shape it needs to."

To what ends? What does the rabbit get out of these abductions?

"Well, some say they're just mischievous creatures and this is their sick idea of fun, but as for myself, well, the girls I've interviewed have talked about giant phallic looking caterpillars and tea parties. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what's really going on here."

We followed Dr. Hulland to a nest to see how he deals with the creatures. Notice the three cans of gasoline. Dr. Hulland unscrews the top off the first can and begins to pour its contents down the hole.

"Three cans are overkill, I admit, but these things are a lot like fire ants…you need to make sure you finish them the first time…otherwise it just pisses them off."

After Dr. Hulland's match was thrown down the hole, you could see the column of flame erupt upwards. Shortly thereafter, three anthropomorphic playing cards–all burning–leapt from the hole, seeking safety. Within ten yards, though, they succumbed to the flames, much like this eight of spades you see twitching at the cameraman's feet.

"They do that all the time. They always try and make a break for it. Never works."

Next: urban sprawl is bringing suburbia out into the country more each day. Dryad attacks are up over the last ten years. We'll find out what to do if you find yourself staring one down from a man who was himself impaled in an attack…right after these messages.