By far one of the strangest trends among eighteen to thirty-five year old men is the emergence of gypsy curse fetishists.

These are men who take great pleasure in seeking out gypsy women and pissing them off in some form or fashion, so that the gypsy in question will then perform terrible mystical attacks against them.

"It all started by accident, really," said Nathan [last name withheld] in our interview. "I met this exotic chick in a bar. We did it, banga-banga, in the alley…and I didn't call the next day. Or the next week. Come to find out her great aunt's a gypsy, right? This after I've got these horrible boils all over my face for weeks. But…I know this is weird, but…man, that got me hot."

Nathan found that he could no longer perform sexually once the boil curse had subsided. "It's hard to find a gypsy, let alone one that can actually put a mojo on you. It takes some trial and error, but when you find it…man. Right now I've got a rash on my back that tells dirty limericks all night. Can't sleep worth a damn. But man. The sex I can have while it's spouting off. It's something else."

And how do curse-ready gypsies feel about this?

"Well," said Wanda [last name withheld], "it kinda defeats the purpose, doesn't it? I mean, I didn't spend two decades studying under my grandmother to become a true practitioner, only to find guys drooling and wanting more. I tell them, 'I just gave you a runny nose for a month,' and they just beg me for three months. It's just not right, guys these days."

Wanda, however, has turned a negative into a positive. She's opened her own business, tailored to meet the demands of this growing sex fad. "I need to go," Wanda told us finally, "my four o'clock is here."

Nathan frowns when we ask him about Wanda and others like her. "Well, I mean, I admire her entrepreneurial spirit and all, but it would take the wind out of my sails if I knew all I had to do was drive downtown and hand her a fifty. It's a copout, in my humble opinion."

"There once was an aardvark named Puckett," Nathan's rash broke in.

"Not now," Nathan told it. "Not in front of company."

Some gypsies are taking the opposite tack from Wanda and instead ensuring that they're not bothered by repeat offenders.

Take Jerry [last name withheld] for example. His curse made him turn permanently into a foam and plastic flower.

We asked Jerry how it was going.

"Oh, all right, I guess," he replied in a high, squeaky voice. "I can't bowl anymore and I lost my job as a mechanic, but I'm talking about hosting a kids show, so that's all good."

So does being a flower excite you?

"How the hell should I know?" Jerry said, and we think he was trying to sound agitated, but with voice we couldn't be sure. "I don't have external genitalia anymore, you know."

But would you do it again, given the chance?

Jerry scratched his artificial stamen for a moment, then replied, "Are you kidding? In a heartbeat. It was the best."